We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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