she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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