You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
