I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
