do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
