were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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