Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
