Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
