Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Farmville is her only friend.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
