Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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