Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
