just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
