her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
