Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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