TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
