omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
