it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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