It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
