"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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