I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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