i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
