After last night, I could never be a politician.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
