Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
