In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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