When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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