Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
