did you get engaged???
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
