You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
