The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
