Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
