this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
