I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize