She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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