I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
