Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
