there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
