the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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