i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
