Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
