Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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