So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hippo gnu deer
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
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