You don't have asthma, your pregnant
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to wash the frat house off of me
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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