I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Everything about him screamed your future.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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