Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
