He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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