Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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