I wannas sexs uuuuu
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
