i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
