I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I just had sex on a roof
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
