Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
