So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
