I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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