DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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