There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
