OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
only you would photoshop your dick
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
