wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
