Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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