I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
