That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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