That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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