He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize