How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The power of my boobs compel you
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Never underestimate the power of titties
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
