Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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