1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
