I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
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