dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
