this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
