My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize