theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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