I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
