did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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