Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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