so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize