no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
