So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
