It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
