here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
