Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
