I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
