The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
