My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Randomize
