She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
