I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
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