how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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