We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I have feelings that need drinking.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
