You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize