you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize