Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
