You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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