my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
