Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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