I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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