you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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