Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
